Fake happiness

I wonder sometime am i really happy in my everyday life or its just a fake smile of happiness which i myself didnot realize. 

Sumhow,  i cant really justify whether the feeling i have now is the real one...  I kinda forgot how happy feels like.  What i felt everyday was a conflict of mind of to be happy or need to be happy or just b happy eventho that feeling was unjustified.

Truth is,  apart from not be able to remember,  i lost thay kinda feeling.  Happy,  sad,  mad,  confuse,  and everything that related to it.  I assumed that all the feeling was real from the bottom of my heart.  But i still have doubt especially on the happiness  part.  How sure i am that the happy feeling is real.  How?  I guess may be to those who sees me would know if its the real happiness or its just a feeling with nothing. Some people said,  u can see that in the person's eyes.  So i didnot know except if there is someone who would tell me. It just soooo confusing.

But, I just realize recently,  when i felt that happy feeling  I burst to tears.  It felt soooooo lively and things i see was so shining bright and wonderful.. I guess in my perception,  this is my real happy feeling. The person whos next to me can see it.  How happy i am.  Staring at the clouds and smile. Crazy huh.  Hahhahaha..  Thats the feeling i guess. 

Hmmm,  to those who really have made me the happiest,  u know who u r.  Thank you so much.  U knew me better than myself.  I wonder will that lass forever.  I wonder will that person will always be by my side and show me that happiness more that what i felt now.  And put aside the pain which wat i am going thru every secobd. I wish it will be forever. 

Thank you from the bottom of my ♥  heart.

-the end-