Mummy

Its been 2 weeks after my 40th birthday... I still wonder what "mummy" meant to the kids..  The one came out from my tummy..  My flesh and blood...  I am now still wonder do i mean anything to them or just a name stated in their birth certificate..  Or just someone they called mummy and contact me whenever they need help...

How i felt so sad and dissapointed at the same time, to those people who raised them but not educate them what mother meant to them...  I may have no right over them but i m the one who gave birth to them... And always trying to capture their heart tho i almost gave up...

The day that i realized i am nothing to them...  Just a person who gave birth to them...  I am Redha to watever has been planned..  May be this is for their  own good...  But never for a second, they are not in my mind..  I m still waiting for them to wish my belated birthday tho i know..  They never knew when is my birthday...  They dont even bother, the name "Afdzaliza Ratini" and the details in their birth  certificates is their mother...

How i am torn into pieces until today, that in the future whos going to pray for me when i die...  The sons that i have, may not know i die either... Dear god,  give me strenght for me not to ever stop loving them..  Not to ever stop praying for them..  I know your planned is beyond expectation.. And thats for the best of all.....

Dear my babies..  Yusuf,  Adam and Harris...  Please know this...  Mummy luv 3 of u so much and Insya Allah, it will never faded and it will never stop.... Till my last breath till i die till jannah...  Insya Allah

Your mummy